The following article was originally printed September 3, 2009 in the Sea Breeze News—very possibly the wittiest small-town newspaper in the known universe. Two weeks ago a group of four men, Steve Hoyland Jr. with friends Bruce, Ken and Erik, set off on an overnight offshore fishing trip. They left at noon on a Tuesday … Read More
Author: Francis
I Like To Watch, Eve. It’s Very Good.
This month’s title is a quote from Being There, one of my favorite movies of the last three decades. In it, Peter Sellers plays Chance—a man with the mind of a child who knows virtually nothing outside what he has learned from television. Which, by the way, he spends nearly every waking moment watching. It’s … Read More
Fabulous column (not by me). And it’s based on a true story. I checked.
LADIES, SHAVING AND DRIVING DON’T MIX. (Columnist Celia Rivenbark) By now I’m sure that most of you have heard about the Florida woman who caused a two-vehicle wreck because she was shaving her bikini area while driving. Guess that makes the time you drove with your elbows while eating a Whopper seem downright virtuous, doesn’t … Read More
You Are Different, And That’s Bad.
People are stupid. I should know. I’ve been one for over 50 years. The headline of this month’s column comes from an email I received more than a decade ago, which was entitled “Children’s Books We’ll Never See.” The sub-head is something I often say to remind myself that, deep down, I was born with … Read More
CTRL + ALT + DELETE
(Confessions of a NumLock) Over the past several months I’ve had three paradigm-shifting experiences in my personal relationship with the computer. The first occurred last April. My office email program crashed, and I lost every single message I had sent over the previous two months. Several hours after I regained consciousness, I found myself completely … Read More
Baggett’s Second Ad: New Direction, Same Core Message.
With our first ad, we let one of Baggett’s driver teams tell the company’s unique story. With our second ad, we decided to focus on a dispatcher. After all, dispatchers are a company’s primary point of contact with drivers. What better way to highlight the kind of company Baggett is to work with, right? During … Read More
All The News That Fits The Premise
In the intro paragraph to her January 25 article, “Daughter of Birmingham Plans Revival”, New York Times reporter Donna Paul writes, “…After a period of prosperity and growth, Birmingham was brought to its knees by the Depression and wracked by the end of segregation. Birmingham has never fully recovered its prominence. Its population today, 230,000, … Read More
Living The Dream? (Part 2 of 2)
(Special Thanks To Sarah Best) I don’t know about you, but it seems to me like this country has been stuck in a serious mood-funk over the economy for close to three years. Now, a lot of experts are predicting 2011 won’t be any better than 2010. Probably the same experts who told us the … Read More
Living the Dream? (Part 1 of 2)
I still remember spending the night at Frank Crockard’s house in the mid 1960’s. Early Saturday mornings, the only thing on TV when I dragged Frank (and little brother Paul) out of bed was an agricultural program called Dixie Digest. Literally the only thing. For at least half an hour, Birmingham’s three other channels broadcasted … Read More
The Wisdom Of Children
Cleaning-out a closet New Year’s Day, we discovered a Time Capsule containing notes written by our two children (Peyton—now 19, and Fletcher—now 14) in January, 2005. The theme was “My Dream For The Future”. I must admit, I was particularly impressed by the way Fletcher’s dream complemented Peyton’s heartfelt sentiments so perfectly. PEYTON HARE [Age … Read More